Seventh Year
by Hannah Kay Writes
Summary: Hermione is going back to school after the Second Wizarding War. Some things have changed, but others will never be the same.
1. Chapter 1

**Hermione Granger is going back to school after the Second Wizarding War. Some things have changed, but others will never be the same.**

It was the middle of summer when I made my decision. I was going to go back to Hogwarts. I didn't care that we could just "get a job" as the boys so poetically put it. I wanted to finish school and finish it right. It'd caused a giant fight between Ron and me though. He'd insisted that I was insane and prodded at me to not go back and instead stay with him. I refused to do that. I wasn't just going to settle into a life at his side like that. I had to find my own way, one way or the other. I was prepared to write, but Ron was angry. In the end, our relationship was over. It was that simple. Maybe not for good - heaven only knows what the future will bring - but for now I was going to go to school.. for me not anyone else. I think that's what's best for now.

I owled the school and Headmistress - it was still hard to think of Professor McGonagall - McGonagall replied rather quickly. She'd love to have me back and enclosed the list of books I'd need for my seventh year courses as originally planned. Another thing.. she surprised me by asking me if I would mind taking over the position of Head Girl. "_I know this isn't particularly protocol, but I'd like to ask if you'd be Head Girl this year. I really believe you're fit for the job, and you didn't get the chance to do it when it was technically your time... owl me back if it's not alright and I'll make the necessary arrangements. Either way, looking forward to seeing you soon, Miss Granger_."

The day before school started I was just finishing up on packing when I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. It struck me just how different I looked than the last time I crested the halls of Hogwarts - as a student, not a warrior because then I was long changed by the search and destroy mission we'd lived. My eyes, still the same dark brown, were no longer soft. Instead they were harder, a double edged sword, watching and waiting for a hidden enemy to be revealed. There was a certain set to my mouth that suggested I'd watched my friends at the hands of death, and even drawn a few out, but still lost many. The youthful glow to my skin was dulled to a less radiant tone, but none the less beautiful.. merely no longer peppered with childlike glee.

Yet there was one feature about my person still keenly the same. My hair was a mane of dark caramel curls - while more manageable than it was first year, my hair was still just as thick and wild as it once was. The kinks set against my head whispered past youth, but didn't dare match the rest of my face. The two didn't match in the slightest and I slipped my fingers around, grasping the long locks in my fingers and twisting them half up to elude a shorter style. With a soft exhale, I nodded to myself. It was time I cut it off.

So, I took to the streets, veering toward the Muggle salon where I'd always cut my hair (just a routine snip snip and we were done). The now gray haired old lady behind the counter grinned from ear to ear when she saw me. "Hermione!" She hurried around the counter, catching a magazine on her hip and sending it barreling toward the ground with a spat.

Before she could even fret over it, I was handing it to her. "Mrs. Bennett." I offered in response and she grinned, pulling me in to a hug.

"It's been too long, Miss Granger." She half scolded, ushering me to the available cutting station. "You want the usual?" She asked, knowing my haircut like the back of her hand.

As she gathered her supplies, I regarded myself again before shaking my head. "Not this time, Mrs. Bennett." That caught her attention and she looked up, watching as I gestured to the length I wanted, just above my shoulders.

It wasn't any time at all until she was cutting. Her wicked scissors moved like extensions of her hands, fast as the speed of light but with perfect precision. I never once doubted her skills as she pulled my hair down to create the perfect bangs. The idea was a radical change and as she finished, I could see how perfectly the cut now matched my features as my earlier vision.

_Hermione Granger, revised. Hermione Granger, 2.0. Hermione Granger has grown up and this is the result. She's seen hardship and heartache and death and battled death herself and this is her. This is the way she saw the world._ I rationalized to myself and maybe I was right. I know it would all be alright. Somehow I know that. This next year would be a good thing. Of that I am certain.


	2. Chapter 2

**i'm getting there :) **

The Hogwarts Express was crowded with newcomers, but I was patiently nuzzled into a compartment with Ginny and Luna. It was strange not having Harry, Ron or even Neville with us, but the three of us sat together still. Luna was reading her father's magazine and mindlessly waving her wand about like some sort of deranged posy while Ginny raved incessantly about my hair.

"Hermione, why didn't you tell me? I could've cut mine too." She was excited. Being the oldest Weasley at the school was a big deal to her. I could tell by the way she held her head a little higher, eyes twinkling with bright eyed excitement.

I laughed softly, regarding her as I stuffed my book into my rucksack (obviously I wouldn't be having any reading time). "It's a bit strange, isn't it? Not having them here, I mean." I mentioned halfheartedly, ruining her mood.

"It is." She swallowed, head swiveling to look out the window. "Do you miss him terribly?" I knew she meant Ron.

I shrugged. "It's over Ginny," was my only response. I knew it had to be hard on Ginny, taking a side between me and her brother, but I never asked her too. Ron and I just weren't meant to be. It was a volatile from the start. In hindsight, I should've seen it coming, but even Hermione Granger has skips in her judgement.

She nodded. "Yeah, sorry." Her eyes quickly darted down to her lap.

I sighed. "Sorry, Gin." I told her, running my fingers through my now short curls. "I'm just a little uptight about it."

"Yeah, I understand." She answered, pushing her stick straight ginger hair behind her ear. "It's got to be hard, coming here after all that's happened."

I nodded slowly. "That's not exactly the hard part. Hogwarts.. Hogwarts is my home, but it's odd not having them here, you know?"

"You do miss them." There was a sly smile on her rosy lips.

I laughed, soft bell tones against the misty train windows. "Of course I miss them, Ginny. They're my friends. They still are. But things have changed." There was a beat of silence before I continued. "Really though it's just strange being the oldest. I mean I'm the only one from my year, mine, specifically." Even as I said them I knew the words were tarnished with confusion. They weren't Hermione Granger type words. On the contrary they were scattered brained and strangely erratic - two things Hermione Granger hardly mirrored.

But as my mind prated senselessly about my own inner monologue, Luna startled both of us by interjecting: "Actually you won't be the only one from your year." Her eyes dreamily told me, now looking up from her magazine.

Ginny asked before I'd even processed the question. "What are you talking about, Luna?" Her ginger hair only intensified her gaze.

"You don't know?" Luna inquired but must've evaluated our expressions because she continued without further comment. "Draco Malfoy is coming too."

Ginny's eyes met mine in a stroke. "What?" We both asked, but the question was answered swiftly. The compartment door opened and a tuff of white blond hair greeted us.

"Draco." His name fell from my lips like a casted spell. I could feel the realization washing over me. I, the Golden Girl of Gryffindor and oldest girl of seventh year, is Head Girl. Before me stood the Slytherin Prince who just happened to be the oldest boy of seventh year. The picture painted beautifully yet made bail raise in my throat. The thought of sharing quarters with Draco Malfoy turned my stomach.

Everything was absolutely still as our eyes met in a silent acceptance of the truth. He then drug his trunk into the compartment. "Do you mind?" He was already sitting down beside me. "Everywhere else is full."

A dead silence panned for a fraction of a second before Luna nodded. "It isn't any trouble." Loony Lovegood, always oblivious. It was one of the things I loved about her, but now...

"Thank you," he surprised me with those two words, but silence engulfed the compartment once more.

Ginny and I exchanged a silent look and she coughed. "Draco... I didn't know you'd be coming back." She offered, not unkindly, as I shifted in my seat to rest my back against the window.

He nodded. "Well, we never ran in the same circle." His voice was missing a certain condescending glow, but now seemed seeped in sad sarcasm.

"What brought you back?" Suddenly Ginny was in interrogation mode. She was asking questions and expected answers.

"Same reason as Hermione, I'd expect." He answered, gesturing to me for a fraction of a second. His awkward movements infuriated me for some reason. I wasn't sure why, but he seemed to be playing innocent like it would change the fact that he turned to Him last summer. As if it would take back six years of torment.

Ginny nodded and followed up with a question to which the answer already buzzed in my ears. "You're Head Boy, I'd assume." She didn't ask, instead she stated, but he nodded anyway, affirming my inner turmoil.

"Yeah," he answered flatly.

I couldn't hold in my soft groan. "Brilliant."


	3. Chapter 3

**Seasons of Love, glee :3**

"He looks different." Ginny commented over dinner that night in the Great Hall.

I frowned. "Who?" I asked through a haze, looking up from my goblet of pumpkin juice.

She laughed. "Draco, silly." She was looking over my shoulder so I turned, slowly to follow her gaze. Across the hall, Draco was seated at his table, but I idly noticed he was sitting alone. "Doesn't he look different?"

I nodded, spooning soup into my mouth slowly. "You mean even more tortured than in sixth year when he was plotting our Headmaster's death?" My voice dripped snark, but I didn't care. The fact that I would be essentially living with Draco made me nauseous. I'd tried to thwart Harry's attempts at claiming Draco's being a Death Eater sixth year and was proved wrong and it'd been a bitter pill to swallow. After that, when he walked into Voldemort's arms at the Battle of Hogwarts the scab was ripped from it's fresh wound.

"Hermione!" Ginny tried to protest, but I could see she was really laughing.

"You know I'm right, Ginny!" I insisted, turning from where I'd been watching Draco's - likely - self imposed soletary confinement.

She nodded, turning her geze to mine once again. "I know but still."

"Can we just talk about something else?" I asked, poking at the shimmering piece of baked chicken on my plate.

"Of course." She answered, but soon we lapsed into silence. I sighed, glancing around at the first years with a sad fondness. Those were kids that were to only read about the trials of the last decade in books. Yes, they'd heard their parents whispering in the kitchen after dinner, but their wide eyed gaze had been guarded from the newspaper articles. They'd not seen the horror. They hadn't seen this very school in shambles as I had. For that I was envious yet I was still glad for them.

I looked around the room and saw ghosts of the Battle. The castle had been restored to it's former greatness, but for those of us that were there - or maybe it was just me - the entire castle lie in memorial to those lost. It's beauty was only intensified by remembering it's broken form.

"Hermione!" Ginny's voice startled me from my thoughts. "You okay?"

I swallowed, nodding. "Yeah, I'm good." It wasn't a lie. I was good. Just distracted.

She laughed. "Okay, well, dinner's over." She was standing on the other side of the table, looking down at me with a little smirk. "You not hungry?"

I nodded. "Yeah, must've eaten too much from the Trolley." I smiled, standing and following through the crowds of students until we met at the end of the table.

She smiled, linking her arm with mine. "Ready for your first night in Head Quarters'?"

"No one calls it that." I answered with a smirk.

"Well I do." She grinned, releasing my arm and at the foot of the staircase. She wiggled her eyebrows and stepped onto the top step. "Good night Granger. Don't do anything I wouldn't do." She joked before bolting off up the stairs. The very idea made me shiver.

The trek to "Head Quarters'" as Ginny so lovingly put it was a series of right turns past classrooms to the very back of the school. These hallways were vacant, the rest of the students heading toward their respective common rooms. Eventually, the corridor bottomed out into what appeared to be a dead end, but I reached into my robes and pulled out my wand, tapping the bare wall. There was a shudder and the wall morphed into tall double doors.

I exhaled, opening the door slowly. I didn't know if Draco was here yet or not, but when the doors fully opened I saw an empty common room. It was comfortably large with a plush couch in the center across from a brewing fire and a couple of arm chairs. In front of me in the entry was two trunks, one mine, the other Draco's. I grabbed my trunk, pulling it after me toward my door - clearly marked with a newly made name plate - in order to be hidden away before Draco so much as crested the door, but I wasn't that lucky. Just as my hand grazed the brass door nob, the giant doors opened and I was no longer alone. I froze, hand gripping the nob. "Draco." I greeted icily, but he slipped inside without the slightest malice.

"Hermione." He was picking up his own trunk, rolling it over to his door directly across from mine. I don't think he'd ever called me Hermione. It was a strange sound. His voice wrapped around my name like a vice and I felt a shiver ran up my spine. I wouldn't admit it to anyone, but I liked it.

I wavered at the door for a moment and then slipped behind it to avoid his probing stare.

**Oh, wouldn't it be lovely if I knew where I was going with this? :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**I really.. yeah :) **

**Just FYI to those lovely ladies (or maybe dudes idk :) that have favorite this story: that's cool... but the only reason I write another chapter is cuz of Fel's reviews. (if you are saying "who is fel?" I'm sorry for you bc she's epic :) **

The next morning I woke up with a wicked chill. My bare feet were sticking out from the covers on my four poster bed and I hissed, pulling them sharply from the icy air. It was the first strains of fall, seeping through the glorious summer. It wasn't to be trusted.

Slowly I sat up, peering out the window at the overcast sky. From my window there was the lake, framed by the outline of the sprawling forest. I'd be lying if I said the view wasn't beautiful even on a day like today when the sun no where to be found and yet it rose anyway. The sky was a misty gray and a fog had settled among the tall trees of the Forbidden Forest. It was eerily beautiful and it sent shivers up my spine just as it's chill had woken me.

I turned my eyes to the cool stone floor and gathered the strength to pull my feet from their cocoon and onto the smooth stone. To my surprise it wasn't painfully cold, instead it teased my feet as I scampered over to the wardrobe to gather my clothes for the day. That was one of the main differences between the dorms I'd lived in for six years. My room now had one full sized four poster bed with gold and maroon drapes - I assume they change with the Head Girl or Boy - along with a wardrobe and a plushy maroon chair stationed in front of the window.

At my wardrobe I pulled out a pair of fresh robes and then padded barefoot into the adjoining bathroom. It was quite spacious with a glassed in shower which still glistened from my shower the night before. I peered at myself in the mirror, short hair sticking up in uncanny fashion and maroon pajama pants sagging against my hips. I rolled my shoulders and slipped off the white tank top I'd worn to bed, slowly replacing each item of clothing I disrobed with a new piece. Soon I was standing there with a brush, ratting through my bush of brown curls, carefully taming it into it's rightful soft curl.

I exhaled, leaving the bathroom and walking over to grab my rucksack. I cast a glance to my watch and I smiled. I was early - as always - so I should sneak out before Draco, but obviously it wasn't that easy. When I opened the door, Draco was sitting on the couch. As our eyes met, the sun passed through a cloud and cast wayward rays through the wide back windows of the common room. The sun reflected off of his platinum blond hair as he stood up, robes draping to the floor in one fluid motion to sling his rucksack over his shoulder. "Good morning." His voice was deeper than I remembered it, but maybe it was just the morning haze.

"Morning." I replied without much enthusiasm, walking quickly toward the door, but he beat me there. He opened it and held it open for me. "Thank you." I said dryly. I could feel him trailing after me and I groaned. "Is there something you need, Draco?"

He exhaled and his hand wrapped around my upper arm, stopping me in the middle of the empty hallway. "Have I done something in particular?" His voice was a hushed whisper, for fear of any students straying from the path.

I couldn't resist a smirk. "Hmm... maybe the past seven years."

"Okay," he began, releasing my arm. "I deserved that." He glanced away for a fraction of a second and then his gray eyes met mine once again. This time they were softer than before, begging mine for... mercy? "Hermione, I'm not that person anymore."

I scoffed. "What changed?" I could hear the insensitivity in my voice, but I could only remember his cold stare calling me a Mudblood for years.

He sighed. "Does it matter?" He asked softly, eyes still pleading. His hand reached out, brushing mine with a tenderness I never believed he could convey.

"I-" I began, but cut myself short, staring at the wall behind him because I couldn't bare to look into his eyes another moment. My heart was pounding and it made me nervous. "No, no it doesn't." I admitted more to get out of there than because I believed it. His gaze was intense and overpowered my judgment. I needed to get away so I could think clearly.

He let out a relieved breath. "I know after everything I've done..." He trailed off, himself staring at the wall behind me for a moment as if reliving it, before continuing. "I know we may never be friends, but we are going to be around each other... we could at least be... civil."

I nodded a little too quickly, head bobbing with my now racing pulse. "Course." I agreed, wrapping my arms around my middle awkwardly.

"Are you alright?" He asked, noting my edgy behavior.

I nodded. "Yeah, just hungry. I'll see you later Draco." With that, I practically ran down the hallway.

**woah, it's sad this is the longest chapter yet, but please REVIEW!**


	5. Chapter 5

**musical, honor choir, board if education, college, class, solo contest, did I mention im loosing my voice? anyway excuses excuses I know don't shoot.**

**and I am sorry for any typos..the majority of this was written on iphone because I'm too tired to get out my computer. so yeah tired. sorry.**

**Review?**

"Hermione, what's wrong?" Ginny asked when I arrived at the table flushed and out of breath.

I sat down quickly, trying to come up with an answer. "I..." I trailed off, picking at my eggs with a fork.

Ginny glanced over my shoulder and then back to me. "Did something happen with Draco?" She asked and I figured she'd seen Draco come into the Hall.

"I-" I began but then shook my head. "No."

"Then what?" Her eyebrows knit together in a frown.

I finally calmed own enough to think. Draco's intense stare had made my blood boil, but why? He was just Draco. The same Draco that had been terrible to me for six years. But was it right for me to deny him redemption? Maybe he had changed. He seemed sincere.

"Hermione?" Ginny interrupted and my head snapped up.

"I don't know." I answered honestly.

She frowned over her pumpkin juice. "Okay.." She didn't push it though. That was one of the things I loved the most about Ginny.

I exhaled softly. "How was your night?" I asked, dying to change the subject even though I swear I could feel someone watching me - undoubtedly Draco if I wasn't imaging it all together.

"It was good." She answered, nibbling slowly on her toast before she began a tale about one of the girl in her dormitory and her obsession with squirrels. I think she knew I wasn't listening, but continued to talk to fill the space between us. Not in the irritating way either. To give me time to think. This time didn't gain me much though. My thoughts were erratic, so unlike me, even as we walked to our first class - by now Ginny had segwayed into a one-sided conversation about her summer with Harry.

I knew the way I felt was insane. My heart shouldn't race from being near Draco. He shouldn't make me nervous, but this new side of him... this vulnerability was enticing. I felt drawn to it like moth to flame and truth be told that scared me. Because this was Draco after all. I spent the past seven years bickering with him, I punched him in the face for God's sake! He had called me a mudblood at least a hundred times, and he was just the absolute worst person. He'd walked away from the rubble at the Battle of Hogwarts straight into the "Dark Lord's" arms after we saved his life. He was horrible.

War had changed everyone, though. Maybe it'd even changed Draco as he said it had. Maybe it'd melted his cold exterior. But did that change everything he'd done in the past. No, it couldn't. He'd watched me be tortured.

"Hermione!" Ginny's voice shook me from my trance and I groaned, looking up. "Class is over."

I frowned, gathering my books. "Oh."

There was a beat of silence in which Ginny looked at me strangely. "What's going through your head?"

I blinked, unsure. "I, uh, don't know."

She exhaled. "Well, did you notice Malfoy ogling after you all class? Professor practically had to whack him with his own parchment to get his attention."

"Oh?" Somehow, that was the only response I had.

We ambled toward our next class in silence then, but I felt Ginny's gaze on me the entire time. There wasn't anything to say though. I had no clue what was going through my mind or why. I simply felt a knot forming in my stomach, twisting at the mention of Draco's name, or the sight of his platinum blonde hair, or the soft - soft? - glisten of his gray eyes. There was no rhyme nor reason for it..or at least not one I care to admit just yet.

* * *

_Dear Harry, _

_Things at Hogwarts are so different without Ron and yourself. I knew that before I came, but now that it's real, well, it's strange. I miss you very much, but I'm getting along. _

_Ginny is doing well, but I can tell she misses you. You should really owl her more. _

_Lots of love, _

_Hermione_

I sent the letter off without a word of Draco's presence. Even if I had wanted to mention him I didn't know how I would. This way was simpler. Harry reakkt didn't need to know..at least not yet.


	6. Chapter 6

**if you're reading this, i would like to thank you for taking the time to click on link after link and read this story. i am aware of how easy it is to stop after the first chapter, how easy it is to set an alert for a story and then never read it when the notification comes. so, thank you. **

**in closely related news, i'm sorry for my absence. from the author's note of excuses at the beginning of the previous chapter, i believe it's been since april that i've posted - that's rotten and i'm truly sorry! so, yet again, if you are a return user that hasn't forgotten me - i thank you for that.**

**and now, i will try to rekindle the characterization and unique voice in which i'd established as one miss hermione granger. #goodluckhannah**

Days blurred into months and the seasons changed in a blur of colors. The last rays of summer sunshine melting to hues of orange and suddenly it was fall. Leaves fell from the magnificent trees while the temperature dropped. It was a beautiful mystery, time passing.

I watched it all change from a distance at first, oddly detached until one early morning when there was a banging against my door. It was a Saturday and I was attempting to sleep in when I heard several loud thwarts at the door. I groaned. What could Draco possibly want from me at this hour? It couldn't be past six o'clock!

I heard the unmistakable sound of the door creaking open and my eyes shot open. I'd never thought of Draco to lack manners - yes, he had been a complete twat in the past, but even then his pure bread breeding held a certain air of chivalry. My fingers snatched my blankets and pulled them tight around my face, but the face the emerged from behind the thick wooden door wasn't the pale headed boy from which my greatest nightmares tolled, it was the wide eyed witch I called my best friend.

"Ginny?" I inquired, carefully sitting up and allowing my blankets to fall away from my bare shoulders. Cool autumn air dusted my warm skin and I brushed my fingers along it, frowning. "What are you doing here?"

The Ginger was at my trunk, rummaging through it. She was dressed in a pair of tight black pants and a maroon sweater. Gryffindor pride? "Hermione Granger, you've been acting strange all year and I refuse to let it go on anymore." She tossed me a pair of jeans, a maroon and gold Gryffindor t-shirt, and a scarf to match. "Now, get dressed. We're going to the Quidditch Match."

* * *

In the stands, the wind was almost blustery which was strange as it was only the end of October. Ginny and I sat beside each other, chatting idly. "How did you even get into the dormitory?" I questioned, watching as students piled in wearing their respective team's gear - today's match was Gryffindor vs. Slytherin, Ginny had told me on the way down to the pitch.

Ginny just laughed. "Draco let me in just as he was leaving to get an early breakfast."

"Oh," I replied lamely, staring down at the grass below the stands. A shiver ran down my spine that had little to do with the temperature. "Whyever would he get up so early?"

Ginny lifted an eyebrow at me. "He didn't tell you?"

"Tell me what?" I inquired, quirking my eyebrow right back at her. In the past month, the tension in the dormitory had thawed significantly, but the two didn't talk much. Mostly pleasantries and awkward discussions about the weather. I'm pretty sure we both felt the nervous energy in the room when we were both studying in the common space, but I was also keenly aware that neither of us could quite place our discomfort. Naturally, then, we've merely dropped the issue as if it weren't an issue at all. We chose to merely coexist.

Her eyes dropped to the green then as the Slytherin team flew out. "Well," she answered slowly, glancing back at me and then pointing toward the sky where I saw him flying high above the quidditch pitch and the rest of his team to lie in wait for the golden snitch. "he's taken his old place on the quidditch team."

I exhaled sharply. "Is this why we're here?"

"Maybe." She grinned wickedly, taking one of my hands and squeezing it tight. "See, Hermione, I feel you're repressing your feelings."

I frowned. "For Draco?"

"For Draco." She answered, smiling a little too broadly. "This way, you've got to face this."

I forced a laugh. "But there's nothing to face!" I argued, suddenly feeling angry. There wasn't anything to face. There couldn't be.

"Okay, so why is it you haven't told Harry that Draco is here?" She asked, crossing her arms defiantly.

I was aware then of the cheering fans around us as the game began, brooms whooshing around us, but it didn't cause my anger to wane. "Why? Because there isn't any point, Ginny!"

"There isn't any point in telling your best friend that the boy who tortured you both for six years is sleeping a common room away from you? You don't think Harry would like to know that?" She persisted, looking at me not the field.

I found myself stammering now. "No! I mean it doesn't.." The pressure was on and I was cracking.

"It wouldn't matter, Hermione? Really? You don't think Harry would care?" When did Ginny get so good at arguing?

I exhaled sharply. "Okay, fine! He would care."

"Then why haven't you told him? There must be a reason you're hiding this from him."

"I'm not hiding it!"

"Well, you're not telling him!"

"Well, I don't know!"

"I think you do!"

"Ginny!"

"Hermione!"

The crowd around us groaned, and the crowd opposite us cheered. "Draco Malfoy has caught the Golden Snitch! Slytherin wins!" The announcer screamed, but my skin was ice.

"Why, Hermione?" She persisted, grinning a little. She could see it in my eyes. I knew it. I knew all of it.

"Because, Ginny," I hissed, finally giving up. "I have feelings for Draco."

**duh. duh. duh duh. haha, no but seriously next chapter we'll dive into why hermione has feelings for draco and all that jazz. yay!**

**now it'd be cool if you'd review... just saying. **


	7. Chapter 7

**maha! you guys are cool! three reviews after four months. you rock and roll! so ima try to write this and actually publish it before november...**

The Match was over, but I couldn't hear the roar of disappointment from my housemates. Nor did I hear the shots of excitement from their opposition. I could only hear the thudding of my own heartbeat. The revelation felt so sudden even though on some level I was sure I'd been aware of it since that very first night. It wasn't something I was proud of, my feelings for Draco, and I'm not even sure what they were. I didn't have time to think on it though, not now. I had to follow the ebb and flow of the crowd, rushing from the stands.

Ginny didn't gloat about her findings. I wondered how long she'd known - or at least hypothesized - this. Had she seen it from the first day? Or was I merely making the timeline up? When had this happened to me? More importantly, why?

Luna skipped over to us, dreamy smile on her pale lips. "I really missed Quidditch."

Her statement jerked me from my own mind for a moment and I looked at her. She'd spent half of the prior year locked in the basement of Malfoy Manner being tortured for her father's magazine and the other half in a dark Hogwarts, so little like the one we'd grown up with. Yet here she was saying she'd missed Quidditch. Something so basic, a reflection of our childhood when times were simpler and love was just an idea and friends were all you needed to survive the perils of life.

I bit my lip, returning her smile with one only a little less bright. "I missed Quidditch too." She probably didn't notice the double edged sword that were my words, but it didn't matter.

"Me too." Ginny's smile was warm as she slipped between us, interlocking her arms with one of hers as we walked back toward the castle. "But we would've won if Harry were still our Seeker - not that I'm bitter or anything." Her laugh was a trickling sound, seeping into the grass beneath our feet and lightening the mood in one swoop. Her eyes promised acceptance. She hadn't pushed me into admitting my feelings to reject them. Instead she'd done it to help me. She wanted me to feel like a whole person even if it meant dating someone other than her brother. Even if it was Draco Malfoy.

Thing is, even as I allowed myself to think these thoughts, I knew Draco couldn't possibly feel the same way. It wasn't possible.. it just wasn't. So, I pushed the thought away and walked with Ginny and Luna toward the castle, prattling on about Qudditch and Harry and other light, simple topics. It felt freeing to have accepted it, but at the same time there was a dull ache in my chest that I couldn't quite avoid.

* * *

It wasn't until I was walking the halls of the castle alone on my rounds that my thoughts landed on Draco again. I'd managed to force him from my mind as I commiserated with my housemates over lunch and then spent the rest of the afternoon holed up in Gryffindor Common Room writing a paper. It'd been simple enough to focus on the chatter of classmates and then target my language into a paper I'd been needing to write, but now in the empty corridors of this vast castle, it all flooded to the surface.

For years, I'd felt for Ron. My heart had ached for him as I'd watched him date Lavender. I'd wept onto Harry's shoulder and we'd discussed how it felt to love someone who didn't reciprocate or at least didn't openly. It had never really been a question of whether Ron loved me. It was more a question of when he would see it, because our friendship had bubbled over into something tangible and real. It had been obvious.

Now, as I thought of the past month with Draco, I wasn't so sure. The tension had been evident but not stated. It could've just been the past. He was different now, almost defeated. His apology seemed so sincere when he spoke of all he'd done, but maybe he thought I hadn't forgiven him. That could explain the somewhat chilly atmosphere of our quarters.

Looking back on it, over the years Draco and I had had a certain chemistry to our tragedy. He'd called me Mudblood one too many times and I'd punched him. I didn't blast him with some spell, no, I'd punched him. With my fist. Any other person I would've simply stunted, but Draco I'd punched. That was the summation of our physical contact over the past eight years I'd known him, but it excited me. That one punch, full of aggression and hatred and something else. A tiny spark, that couldn't have been recognizable until now.

Years later I scanned the hallways of our great castle for misplaced first years - who had gotten to miss the terror of the Second Wizarding War - or sexual frustrated fifth years - who had been too young to feel the magnitude of it's presence. I wondered if I'd ever be able to feel that kind of innocence again. Could I ever enjoy a relationship again? Would I ever feel safe enough to enjoy kissing someone?

That was part of Ron's problem. After our epic kiss in the Chamber of Secrets and the end of the war, I'd spent time looking over my shoulder. I couldn't believe that after so long it was finally over. We were finally free and everything was okay? I still to this day haven't processed that. That, piled with my need to finish school, had crumbled our relationship.

So, after the break up, I'd cut off my hair to show the world I wasn't the same wide eyed first year I'd been all my life, but that didn't mean I wasn't afraid. There was still a part of me that shivered whenever I turned down a new corridor for fear of what was at the end. We'd spent so long running from the monsters under our beds and fighting against the undisputed evils of this world that I didn't know how to be still. I don't know how to be happy. I didn't know how to feel when I wasn't scared.

Through my musings, I hadn't noticed where I was walking until I arrived there. I was standing in front of heavy wooden doors of the library. The library which had held all the answers for so long. I pushed forward through them, blinking into the darkness. It was technically out of hours, but I needed to brush my fingers across the spines.

I slipped into the dimly lit room, gazing at the shelves and hurried forward to the nearest shelf. My hand reached out, grazing the spines of the books with my fingertips, but my anxiety didn't melt at the touch as it used to. I sighed. I should've known that this was a matter beyond the help of books. This was so much harder than that.

I swallowed hard, looking at the various spines of various colors. I knew what I had to do, but it sent nervous chills down my spine.

I had to go to him.

Now.

**i should probs like look over these chapters before i post them...but my head hurts haha so no!**


	8. Chapter 8

**intimate "tmi" detail of my life: I'm like in love with my best friend, but we're all just paper people and I love the boy I imagined, not the boy he is, and he doesn't love me and I said goodbye to him because we're saying goodbye to each other because we're about to have upwards to 200 miles between us because college and love is s***!**

**in related news, i move to college in three days! yayayyayayayay!**

I stood outside of our dormitory, silently counting my heartbeats to slow them. I'd practically sprinted through the castle. I wasn't excited per say. I wasn't even remotely sure of what I was planning to do. Really, there wasn't anything to do but admit my feelings, but at the same time I didn't see why that was necessary. I couldn't imagine any world in which he actually reciprocated my feelings, so why unearth them? Despite those thoughts running through my head, I still felt anxious butterflies in my stomach.

Exhaling sharply, I forced the door in front of me open. I had to bite the bullet sometime, so I slipped into the entryway and down the small hallway that led to our Common Room. Part of me hoped Draco had retired for the night as to put off this conversation or these awkward feelings or both, but the other wanted to rip the bandage off. I walked slowly down the hallway, still steadying my breaths, trying to decide what to do, but all too soon the hallway bottomed out into the Common Room and I saw Draco Malfoy's platinum blonde head.

He was bent over the coffee table, scribbling on a piece of parchment with a look of frustrated determination on his face. Probably writing a paper, I shouldn't disturb him. Just as I'd decided to move on, his quill stilled. "Hermione?" He questioned before slowly turning to smile at me. "Hey there."

I bit my bottom lip, walking over and sitting in one of the plushy chairs. "Hey. Good game today." I hedged, forcing a smile.

Draco laughed then, and I blushed. "Eh, the new Seeker isn't much of an opponent."

"Well, no one Seeks quite like Harry." I attempted to joke back.

He chuckled. "Right you are.. that Potter boy was damn good at quidditch."

I couldn't help but smile. This was easy, light hearted. I didn't have to ruin that. In fact, I couldn't image breaking this. We were in a good place, a middle ground even. We could smile and laugh. This could be our Common Room, together. We could be friends. Everything could be so simple.

_No. It can't be simple._ Another less optimistic, yet more honest, part of me argued. _It cannot be simple! Even now you want to leap across this table and snog him like mad! That's not simple, Hermione. _It was true of course. I watched as his eyes cast down to the paper he'd been working on, then back up. His hair gleamed in the moonlight and I craved to run my fingers through it. It couldn't be simple because I, for some unholy reason, want Draco Malfoy. I want him like I wanted Ron for years, but I realize now the scope of love and hate. The line is so thin between the two that it takes so little penance to sway my feelings. I couldn't repress them. Love, lust, hate, all of it was so close together.

"Hermione, is something on your mind?" Draco asked, lifting one pale eyebrow at me. "You look utterly boggled."

Utterly boggled. That was one way to put it. "I'm... I've.." I attempted to fabricate a lie, but none came to mind. Now or never always seemed to rash to me - how can anything be so important that if it weren't done that very instant it couldn't be done ever? - but now I understood it. If I didn't say something, do something, I might just explode.

"What is it?" He stood carefully, dusting his fingers across the couch as he walked over to poise himself on the edge of the coffee table in front of me.

I bit my bottom lip, trying to piece together something to say that didn't make me sound completely inept. "I..Draco..I'm not sure what's wrong with me." I managed, raking my fingers through my now short hair.

He lifted an eyebrow. "In what department?" He mumbled, fingers reach up to tug gently at the end of my hair. "Did I ever tell you I like the haircut?" His words were low, gruff, but it sent a shiver down my spine.

"I.." My breath hitched as his hand slipped down to my shoulder, brushing the skin of my collar bone and then grazing down my arm all in one fluent, soft sweep of his porcelain hands. "Thank you."

He nodded, carefully retracting his hand. "Hermione, do I make you nervous?" His voice was velvetine, not aggressive.

"Nervous?" I bit my bottom lip. He didn't make me nervous, per say, but he did send anxious butterflies into my stomach. "Not exactly..." I trailed off, staring into the infinite space of his soft gray eyes.

His lips curved into a tiny smirk. "Not exactly?"

"Yeah." I paused. "Not exactly."

"Then what?" His breath was a whisper and he leaned an inch forward. My heart shuddered a beat.

I blinked, unable to look into those flawless eyes anymore. They were no longer harsh with hatred, instead they were soft with weakness and pain. "I don't know how to say it." It was true. I was unsure of exactly the words that would tell him how I felt.

He paused, but nodded. "Then show me."

"Show you?" I breathed, heart thudding against my rib cage.

"Show me." He whispered and I wondered if he could see it there in my eyes.

Our heads tipped together and I felt our lips collide for the first time. Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger, kissing. It sounded absurd, but it felt so real I couldn't stand it. My hands tangled into his light hair and his in my darker hair, and suddenly I was breathing hard. The moment had passed. One [intense] kiss down. Now we were staring into each other's eyes in a question.

And we kissed again.


	9. Chapter 9

**so, my dearest squirrels, tomorrow i embark on the epic [epic] journey that is college! woot woot! I'm a freshman, which is probably pretty obvious considering my bubbly outlook on the whole ordeal... but, besides that, for now I'm here, writing this chapter of this fanfiction on the last night I'll spend in my house... woah!**

**I wrote that Friday night... it's Tuesday. I KNOW I KNOW for shame. **

The first kiss is always special. It's exciting and intense and slightly awkward. It's the beginning of something new, the end of something not. It's a turning point, and this was ours. Now, there was no turning back.

Except now as we sat together, my fingers threaded into his platinum blonde hair, and I wasn't focusing on those things. Neither was I focusing on Harry's reaction (not even Ron's - and he was far more judgemental than Harry), but the fact that I was kissing him. His lips against mine was a surprise, but not an unfortunate one. It felt smooth, soft, caring.. completely amazing. He was a good kisser, that Draco, but that didn't surprise me either. He didn't exactly lack experience.

After a while, we parted again and we pressed our foreheads together in a silent breath. "Hermione," he whispered in the tiny space between us and I blushed slightly.

"Yes?" I asked him, heart sputtering against it's cage.

He brushed his hand across my cheek and I gasped inwardly. "You're gorgeous."

I blushed and then pressed my face against his shoulder. "Thank you."

He exhaled, rubbing my back softly. "Well.." He mumbled, lips grazing against my hair and sending shots down my spine. "This is new territory for us."

I lifted my face from the fabric of his shirt - which smelled of coffee and pumpkin juice and fresh parchment and something so uniquely Draco that it set my senses on fire - to look at him. His hair was disheveled from my fingers rifling through it and his eyes were darker now, the pale gray pallor intensified with lust. His gaze on me made me blush harder, but I liked it. Ron had never looked at me like this. He'd never adored me, and at the time I thought it was sensible. "To adore was not to love," I'd remark to myself, but now, looking at Draco looking at me like _that... _I couldn't help but reconsider my position. It was a good feeling, to have someone look at me like that. A tiny boost to my ego.

"Yeah..it is." I whispered, leaning forward to tangle her lips with his again. I couldn't get over the sticky sweetness of his breath or the feel of his smooth hand as it braced against my cheek. I suddenly wanted [needed] to feel more of him. I slipped out of the chair, breaking the kiss and grasping his hand, drawing him over to my room. "Come on." I couldn't believe I was doing it, but I led him toward my room. I knew this was sudden. I knew it was beyond unpractical, but I couldn't stand the thought of parting now to go to our separate rooms. He was quiet as we walked, probably stunned, but once we passed through my room he stopped. I tugged at his hand, frowning. What was he doing? "Draco." I whined, desperately wanting to get him on the bed (however awful that sounded).

"What are we doing?" His voice was rough, but not in a bad way. It was threadbare in the way that only a good snogging session could make you, but we hadn't had one yet.. at least not to my satisfaction.

I turned to eye him and saw he was looking at me with a needy expression. Yet, he was a gentleman so he hesitated. "We're snogging." I muttered and then to make my point I kissed him. My tongue slipped into his mouth, my arms wrapped around his neck, and my fingers knotted into the hair at the nape of his neck. "Okay?" I breathlessly questioned, and his response was a primal grunt.

"Okay." His arms reached down, carefully pulling either of my legs around his waist and pressing me against the wall for a long moment. Our kisses were crashes of pent up emotions, cruel words and epic duels of repressed feelings and lines crossed.

I groaned loudly, ripping my lips from his. "Draco, the bed." I pleaded, dragging my fingers down the panes of his covered chest.

He exhaled, shivering against my body out of anticipation. There was something about the idea of him pressing me to my bed, chest to chest, legs entangled, lips battling, was so compelling I couldn't stop thinking of it. It seemed it was the same for Draco, because he didn't argue again. His fingers slipped down my back to grip my bottom, anchoring my body to his as he walked to my bed.

Suddenly he was pressing me against the maroon sheets. His arms framed my head as he kissed me, our hips pressing down on each other without question. "Damn, Hermione." He groaned against my lips and then leaned down, skimming his teeth along my jaw and then sucking lightly on my neck - but not hard enough to make a mark.

I smirked a tiny bit. "What?" I questioned as my hands raked through his blonde hair.

He chuckled against my lips. "Just didn't know you had it in you, Granger." He commented, leaning down to pepper kisses along my neck.

I grinned broadly, pulling his lips back up to mine fiercely. "You'd be surprised what I have in me, Malfoy."

"Oh yeah? Let's see it then." He mumbled, kisses turning playful as he flipped us over so I was straddling him. "Go ahead. Surprise me."

And I did.

**well... that happened**


	10. Chapter 10

**So, Hi! Remember me? I was writing this story six months ago... and all I have to say is college. **

I awoke tangled in the sheets, face flush against something distinctly warm and... moving? I blinked rapidly, body twitching away from the warmth out of surprise. Then I saw him and the memories of the night before rushed to the forefront of my mind - lips clashing, skin against skin, hands in hair, his gorgeous gaze.

Draco Malfoy was in my bed.

Draco Malfoy was nearly naked in my bed.

Bloody hell.

Draco was shirtless and the pale pane of his chest met his green shorts at his waist, only to leave his legs bare for me to spy the coat of blond hair that peppered his white legs. His chest was firm with no extra fat anywhere (in fact there was no extra anywhere, he was quite fit for someone who lacked recreation). His chest was smooth, almost porcelain in it's color and I could remember the way it felt under my fingers. Blinking, I pulled my eyes up to gaze at his face. His eyes were still closed - that God, lest he see me staring - and his face peaceful while his hair was ravaged. It was tousled not only from sleep but also my hands, and that sent an electric shock through my body. He was so light was streaming through the window and casting an otherworldly glow across his face. He wasn't a demon anymore. He was an angel. Maybe he was mine.

I slowly dropped my gaze down to myself and bit my lower lip. I was wearing his t-shirt, but I could distinctly feel the awkward feeling of my bra digging into my skin after a long night of sleep - had it been off? I don't think so, it doesn't feel like it. My jeans had been discarded somewhere along with Draco's and I blushed down at my own pale legs, thankfully they were freshly shaven. Good God. I am laying here in my knickers and Draco Malfoy's t-shirt.

"We didn't have sex." His voice came to me like in a dream. It was rough from sleep, like gravel, but somehow still smooth as velvet.

My eyes instantly snapped up to meet his, blood instantly running to my cheeks. "I know that." I answered softly, unsure of myself. He was lying there with one of his arms behind his head, gray eyes gazing down at me with an intense stare. Part of me wanted to kiss him, but the other part wanted to hide. What was I doing? It was easy to be bold in the dark of night, but this morning it was a lot harder.

His eyes followed my awkward movements and he let out a low, sexy chuckle. "Where did my vixen go?" He questioned, lifting a pale eyebrow skyward before grinning at me. "I'm beginning to think you're regretting our little snog session last night," He paused, a smirk forming on his lips. "which is quite unfortunate because I enjoyed myself immensely."

"Oh, no, I enjoyed it." I answered a little too quickly, slipping closer to him with a grin. "I enjoyed it very much." I agreed, his words having fueled me to not be so nervous. I leaned down and kissed his cheek with a smile. "I need a shower though and so do you." I told him, playfully poking his side. "It's time for breakfast."

* * *

About an hour later, I was freshly dressed in jeans and a sweater with my hair carefully curled to just the texture I liked it. My makeup was done and I'd packed a stack of books into my rucksack in case I decided to venture into the library after breakfast to read up on my classes since I wouldn't be getting much studying done in the dormitory anymore.

Draco was waiting in the common room, blond hair wet from the shower and wearing Slytherin Green - I couldn't keep the image of him in nothing but his green shorts the night before out of my mind. "Ready to go?" He questioned and I nodded, flashing him a little smile before pausing.

"We aren't going to tell people, are we?" I asked, frowning a little. They weren't exactly dating - it was just a night of snogging and sleeping in the same bed.

He paused. "Well, what would we say?"

"I-I dunno." I answered before shaking my head. "No reason to tell people, there's nothing to say."

We parted ways then and I walked through the halls with a tiny smile perched on my lips. I couldn't stop smiling. It was a sickness.

"Hermione!" Ginny was calling me and I paused, turning to see her. She was all ginger hair and big eyes, looking quite flustered. Were those her pajamas?

"Ginny, what's the matter?" I asked her, pushing my hair artfully behind my ear and frowning at her.

She was panting from running down the stairs, but a moment later she pulled herself together. "Hermione, he's here."

I frowned, eyebrows pulling together. "Who's here?"

"You cut your hair." I would know that voice anywhere, the voice of the boy I'd thought would be the one I would marry. I turned on my heel and sure enough Ron Weasley was standing among the crow of people, red hair vivid against the crowd of black. "You don't look happy to see me?"

I skipped a beat, eyes wide. "What are you doing here, Ronald?"

He paused, blinking back at me. He seemed gutted, but I was so confused I didn't care. What was he doing? "I came because I was a dick, Hermione. Coming back to Hogwarts meant so much to you I shouldn't have squandered it." His words were rehearsed and I knew it, but my heart wouldn't stop pounding in my ears. I knew what he would say next. "I've come to stay, Hermione. I don't want to lose you."

What he didn't know was he already had.

**This little plot twist is a Christmas present to my friend Fel :) **


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